RNC Convention 08

2008 Republican National Convention

Agenda

***Pre-Ceremony complimentary sheet and swastika armband give-away while supplies last***

7:00 Pledge of Allegiance to the Confederate Flag

7:05 Opening Prayer-God Hates ALL Non-Republicans led by Mike Huckabee

7:10 Ceremonial Minority Bashing led by George Allen

followed by a moment of silence for Jesse Helms and Strom Thurmond

7:30 Tap, Tap, Tap and My Wide Stance as demonstrated by Larry Craig (heterosexual)

7:45 Licking the Splits of the Republican Party by Mary Cheney

8:15 Pulling Myself Up by My Bootstraps by Jenna Bush (the real dumb one who got married) with dance interpretation by Barbara Bush (the one who is still whoring around)

8:45 Avenging 9/11, Four Thousand and Counting! by Donald Rumsfeld

***Intermission***

Let the Eagle Soar music and lyrics by John Ashcroft

Your incontinence pads as full of shit as your ideals? Choose DEPENDS! The brand of choice for John McCain anytime he’s expected to speak over 15 minutes! When you gotta piss but you gotta talk straight, use DEPENDS!

9:00 Dynamic Female Republicans by Laura Bush

9:01 The Future of Dynamic Female Republicans by Cindy McCain

9:02 The Hypocrisy of the Democrats by Condoleezza Rice

9:15 How to Skin an Elk as demonstrated by Sarah Palin

9:25 The Republican Withdrawal Method demonstrated by Bristol Palin

9:30 Soul-Gazing and Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better satellite address by Vladimir Putin

10:00 Truth in Broadcasting Award, presented to Fox News by Jerome Corsi

10:15 Nomination of John “the maverick” McCain barring any incontinence issues

10:30 Closing Prayer, Christ Likes Crack and a Rubdown by Ted Haggard

***adjournment, no republican can stay up past eleven***