The Republican Blockbuster Hit!

Difference Between a Pit Bull and Sarah Palin

1. A pit bull would never buy lipstick at Wal*Mart.
2. Only Sarah Palin would sniff John McCain's crotch.
3. Pit bulls go for the throat, Sarah Palin goes for the nuts.
4. Pit bulls don't mate within the litter.
5. A pit bull can be man's best friend, Sarah Palin will just sleep with him.
6. A knick-knack paddy whack give a dog a bone, Sarah Palin will foreclose on your home.
7. A pit bull will eat its young, Sarah Palin should have.
8. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Sarah Palin turns tricks for old dogs.
9. Pit bulls were rescued from Michael Vick. Sarah Palin is interviewing him for a cabinet position, doggy position.
10. Pit bulls are victims of ignorance and fear. Sarah Palin thrives on it.

RNC Convention 08

2008 Republican National Convention

Agenda

***Pre-Ceremony complimentary sheet and swastika armband give-away while supplies last***

7:00 Pledge of Allegiance to the Confederate Flag

7:05 Opening Prayer-God Hates ALL Non-Republicans led by Mike Huckabee

7:10 Ceremonial Minority Bashing led by George Allen

followed by a moment of silence for Jesse Helms and Strom Thurmond

7:30 Tap, Tap, Tap and My Wide Stance as demonstrated by Larry Craig (heterosexual)

7:45 Licking the Splits of the Republican Party by Mary Cheney

8:15 Pulling Myself Up by My Bootstraps by Jenna Bush (the real dumb one who got married) with dance interpretation by Barbara Bush (the one who is still whoring around)

8:45 Avenging 9/11, Four Thousand and Counting! by Donald Rumsfeld

***Intermission***

Let the Eagle Soar music and lyrics by John Ashcroft

Your incontinence pads as full of shit as your ideals? Choose DEPENDS! The brand of choice for John McCain anytime he’s expected to speak over 15 minutes! When you gotta piss but you gotta talk straight, use DEPENDS!

9:00 Dynamic Female Republicans by Laura Bush

9:01 The Future of Dynamic Female Republicans by Cindy McCain

9:02 The Hypocrisy of the Democrats by Condoleezza Rice

9:15 How to Skin an Elk as demonstrated by Sarah Palin

9:25 The Republican Withdrawal Method demonstrated by Bristol Palin

9:30 Soul-Gazing and Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better satellite address by Vladimir Putin

10:00 Truth in Broadcasting Award, presented to Fox News by Jerome Corsi

10:15 Nomination of John “the maverick” McCain barring any incontinence issues

10:30 Closing Prayer, Christ Likes Crack and a Rubdown by Ted Haggard

***adjournment, no republican can stay up past eleven***